ABSENCE OF GRIEVING AFTER EXPERIENCING A LOSS

Who doesn't know people who seem strained and brittle? It might be that earlier on in their lives they suffered the loss of a loved one, but never allowed themselves to properly grieve.

In "Loss, Sadness and Depression," John Bowlby wrote:

"A sceptic might ask how it is that we know a person is in a state of disordered mourning [i.e. he/she has a mental disorder] and not simply that they are unaffected by a loss and therefore have no cause to grieve? The answer is that there are tell-tale signs, more evident in some than in others. A sensitive observer notes that they are tense and often short-tempered. Consolation is neither sought nor welcomed. But they may have physical symptoms: headaches, palpitations, aches and pains. Insomnia is common, dreams unpleasant."

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John Bowlby, "Loss, Sadness and Depression," p.153, Volume 3 of "Attachment and Loss," Penguin, 1981, (with several reprints) 

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